An open love letter to the immature me

I cannot deny that I have altered or modified, certainly a bit but I need to calm my overconfidence which is often directed to me by teachers of my high school in my report cards.

Well, I want to go back to all the days where I have messed up and made decisions where parental advices and friendly co-operation was required. I did make friends but same ages had little diversifications. Losing my first boyfriend in 7th grade for being cunning and non-girlfriendish (I made it up) to falling in a love trap in standard 10th and then blamed for being so innocent.

I am puerile but experiences are not fatal. Listen the older me, you are learning, growing and exploring. A life long journey should not be taken as a hoax or a short term incentive. It will test you but don’t back out.

The only thing that I have learned about love in these years is, even if you know the water is poisonous, you will drink it and the excuse has to be curiosity and the infamous method of hit and trial in order to find the love of your life. (Sources: The Essential Rumi by Coleman Barks). I certainly want to be like an amalgamation of Kitty and Lara Jean from to ‘All the boys, I’ve loved before’.

A person writing love letters to one’s exes or crushes and; propagating in their daily mails. The fun section was the realization and self insurgency one afternoon, that I can do it, I can do it.

What, write and send love letters? Questioned my alter ego but soon my impulse withered off and I don’t blame the movie.

Kiddo, love and life do not have to inversely proportional, it is the causation and a part of you has to be risky enough to chase your curiosity because that brings excitement and indulgence. Give it your impulse, fuck fear of love.

I condemn those days when I tried exalting a love triangle, I was a massive failure but the attention I seeked was intriguing for a girl with acne valgaris.

High school is an ordeal where every other new admission would incite students and bulge their eyes onto new chicks.

A whole new sack of insecurities and distractions has leaded me weep for hours, led my heart sink and it pleading for my ribs to cuddle it. The churning experience has been hilarious and knowledgeable and I am promising, older self today that I will not dive into my vulnerabilities to find more vulnerabilities sitting inside me; its horrifying and checking them out is the only way swiping in and creating space for love.

For a short span of my life, I have always questioned, do people who exacerbate moral values are the ones who are following it or is this a pretence?